yesterday i had to interview my grandfather
about his life so i could write my history project
Willingly, he gave me all that he remembered
his older sister had died as a toddler
and could not be burried in a nice jewish cemetery
because his parents had broken custom with an autopsy
so that they could save someone else's child
His voice shook as he relayed the story
and for a moment i was confused because he had never met the girl
so i could not see the root of his suffering
but then i understood it must have been all around him
the discrimination, the fresh loss
growing up in such a way i can't begin to fathom
as some strange sort of replacement child
His brother went to war and came home with skin disease
a wound in the flesh, a fake bullet hole for a clever ticket
My grandpa did not have to fight because he broke his back falling off a box of marshmellows
he laughed when he said this and it made me so happy
that he could still remember in his wavering mind
such a tiny humorous detail
He cried when he talked about his mother
immediately i felt my throat begin to close as i watched his heart break in mourning
for a women i once met but couldn't remember
He did not let me spare the pain of skipping over my grandma
he did not talk about her, not really, but i knew she was there
it still amazes me that it is even possible to build your life around someone, have them there for over fifty solid years
he loved her so much, and in a strange way it makes me feel more okay that she died kind of young
because at least she had gotten something out of life most people are scared to even dream about
I loved listening to him talk, all the little annecdotes i never knew
about who he was those many many years
before i was even alive
it hurt so much to write this down, but i want to remember
i am terrified of my grandpa dying, so scared of the empty hole in my life he will make beside my grandmother
I wish i had been able to sit down with her like this too, make her tell me all the ups and downs of a story
It makes me sad that i love her so much still,
yet I have only little scraps to remember her by
Everynight i will pray for my grandpa, pray for enough more years so that he can meet my own children, see my sister and me all grown up
if i could have anything in the world,that really is all i would take
see now, this girl, this crying mess with the bleeding heart you see through this screen?
I'm really proud of her tonight
drop me a line and tell me how the hell you are
- March 10, 2009
- serenity23
- No Comments
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