• yesterday i had to interview my grandfather about his life so i could write my history project Willingly, he gave me all that he remembered his older sister had died as a toddler and could not be burried in a nice jewish cemetery because his parents had broken custom with an autopsy so that they could save someone else's child His voice shook as he relayed the story and for a moment i was confused because he had never met the girl so i could not see the root of his suffering but then i understood it must have been all around him the discrimination, the fresh loss growing up in such a way i can't begin to fathom as some strange sort of replacement child His brother went to war and came home with skin disease a wound in the flesh, a fake bullet hole for a clever ticket My grandpa did not have to fight because he broke his back falling off a box of marshmellows he laughed when he said this and it made me so happy that he could still remember in his wavering mind such a tiny humorous detail He cried when he talked about his mother immediately i felt my throat begin to close as i watched his heart break in mourning for a women i once met but couldn't remember He did not let me spare the pain of skipping over my grandma he did not talk about her, not really, but i knew she was there it still amazes me that it is even possible to build your life around someone, have them there for over fifty solid years he loved her so much, and in a strange way it makes me feel more okay that she died kind of young because at least she had gotten something out of life most people are scared to even dream about I loved listening to him talk, all the little annecdotes i never knew about who he was those many many years before i was even alive it hurt so much to write this down, but i want to remember i am terrified of my grandpa dying, so scared of the empty hole in my life he will make beside my grandmother I wish i had been able to sit down with her like this too, make her tell me all the ups and downs of a story It makes me sad that i love her so much still, yet I have only little scraps to remember her by Everynight i will pray for my grandpa, pray for enough more years so that he can meet my own children, see my sister and me all grown up if i could have anything in the world,that really is all i would take see now, this girl, this crying mess with the bleeding heart you see through this screen? I'm really proud of her tonight

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