• Today i spent the whole day on drugs and it was the best i've felt in such a long time i woke up feeling determined i swallowed down half an adderall and exercised for an hour the sweat dripping down my arms, the calories burning away so that when i looked i could still see my rib cage in the mirror my body is muscle, all solid and strong i do not like it, but it is fine for now this is just high school, just fake life it is not worth the sacrifices i have to make to be supper stick skinny when no one but me will even notice I worked on homework for hour after hour maybe three, maybe 10 i stopped looking at the clock after the first minute because there simply was no need I went over to Robin's and snorted half a vikodin i sung last straw inside my head and pretended i was fine the dollar, the credit card, the cd case so authentic, but so amusing we are only in high school with high hopes of college we use our drugs to study for SATs but all the same, i still felt a little like i was living on the edge I am not tired right now, even though it's midnight I feel energized and made of fabric blowing freely in the computer gleam I have an essay to write tomorow, but it's okay i can just wake up at five i'm really not afraid even though everyone says i'll get in over my head, i think drugs are a safety i'll admit, adderall is a chicken shit way out everyone feels unmotivated and tired it takes someone stronger than me to push through the foam walls instead ofjust swallowing a magical pill but right now, at this point in my life,I don't care I like feeling okay and this is the easiest way to do it I'm sure someday i'll get it on my own but for now i'll take all the help i can get it's a crazy kind of happy but i'm too burnt out for anything better

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