• I just finished rewriting the lyrics to one headlight by the wallflowers I love the way writing lyrics makes me feel i am so awake now, so full of energy and motivation Maybe i'll even do my history homework maybe i'll even leave my adderall be Today was rather usual i got a cavity filled i worked really hard at being brave and not flinching I do not like the way novacaine mouth tastes I do not like needles jabbing into my gum But i also do not like being yelled at, so i went along with it anyway Today my friend natalie told me dan has a crush on H or vice versa or some other circulating rumor of that nature all through math i had to keep reminding myself to stay calm if H snags him (which she is pretty apt to do, honestly) I will not blow up and get mad I will simply swallow it all down and pretend it tastes sweet I can walk around with a pretty face on, even if I'm black and blue Already I am mentally preparing myself for the worst If she asks me if it's okay, though, i will be politely honest I will explain that by getting with him, she is essentially condoning what he did to me and as my best friend, i want her on my side agreeing that it is never ever okay to tell a girl you really like her and then all of a sudden decide to stop trying even if said girl is unloveable Maybe I can even pretend it is H getting hurt i care about, even though that horrible bitch part of me is indifferent after all, my most lucid moment during our little 3some with chris is forcing H on top of him, thinking how it fucking served her right to lose her virginity being a whore but even spelling it out sober, i still don't feel the guilt she deserved it so we're even end of story but if she does take dan, even if i don't get mad i think then i will know for sure we have drifted too far to ever get back the friendship

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