• it's kinda funny how sometimes the thing you thought you wanted the least ends up being exactly what you want. it ends up being just perfect and just right for you. when you're not expecting anything to happen and then something does and it turns into everything you've ever wanted. like how all the sudden you find yourself completely content because you have a few good things going for you and you realize this is all you need. like even though everything's not perfect or the way you thought you wanted it to be and then it turns out that it is. and it's a good feeling to have. you're happy with the way you're life is going. you have friends, good grades, a family unit, a support system, good sports team, or anything and it just shows how one small thing can make all the bad things just seem so small and meaningless. you sleep easy at night cause your mind is at true rest not tossing and churning thoughts about. thoughts that previously kept you up late at night wondering about them, fantasizing about them, planning or predicting them. you're ready to let the chips fall where they may. you can pick anything back up that's fallen apart. you're together and whole. you don't need much more because you're already feeling complete. there's always room for more happiness but you make it a point to never let in more negativity. you've stopped wishing you were someone else or had someone else's something. you can look back and laugh at the things that caused you pain. you can look back and learn from the mistakes you have made and realize that fretting over them was a silly waste of time. you can look back and pick of the pieces of your heart that have been scattered about with different people because you know that it's time to pick up and move on. you know they weren't good enough for you and that you can do so much better or that it just clearly wasn't meant to be. you can pick it back up and glue it together. there will still be creases because those events happened and you can't forget lest you fall into that same predicament again. you store the memories in a box with packing peanuts treating them gently with the utmost care as to never forget or damage them. you can look back and when you're finished you can look forward. you can foresee a brighter future for yourself. a future full of smiling, laughing, and good times but also seriousness, strength and success. a future of good fortune, a future that pleases you because it's what you make of it. and even if when you get there it wasn't exactly how you planned it you're still happy. happy to have gotten to the future and happy to have what you have because it is good (for lack of a better word at the moment). it suits you because somehow you got there by the decisions you have made and it works and it makes you happy. i never thought that this would all make me so happy, but it has. to be with them, to meet him, to get myself where i have gotten. it may have been an uphill battle but it was oh so worth it. i've found something here a chunk of gold; perhaps fool's gold who knows right now for we shall see in the future as to what this all turns out to be but right now it seems to be the real deal and boy i'm happy to have found it.

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