• they rearranged the computer desks while we were gone it's such a tiny thing, it really shouldn'tmatter there should be no attatchment, no nostalgia but still i find myself wedged in a corner, longing for the feel of my old keyboard i missed coming on here while i was on vacation i always forget how much i need writing how when i have to hold all my thoughts inside my fingers start to shake and the fever starts to break from all the chaos and confusion it's okay i'm good now though i'll keep it alltogether i swear i'm running on a reality tv high my pulse seems nearly stable it was strange, but while i was in florida, i found i really missed my friends it felt alright though because it showed how much i cared which is good, of course it means i really let myself hang on to somebody i can't really imagine us all parting for college and never talking again we're too..scarred similar we couldn't just let go i love J so much and H and S and E all of them, all of me i can't imagine it any otherway i've been thinking on forgiveness lately i'm kind of over anger i realized i don't hate lindsey anymore i'm not sure what do about that i wish i could make up with only the part of her that chats about boys and eats raw cookiedough or holds my hand during scary movies but i don't think i'm ready to go back to the friendship we had before with the endless tears and empty threats because that girl still scares me it bothers me that we were years so close and now we don't speak life'sstrange like that i guess we're all just moving in different directions i am still proud of myself for trying to be the bigger person i listened to this raw copy of into the airwaves today and all thoselyrics, the echoing voice it snaked right down my spine i felt moved, shaken, connected i want to meet andrew macmahon so bad i just have so much to say and for some reason i believe he would actually here it

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