• i need to stop taking things. or maybe take more things. i haven't quite decided yet. all i know... okay fuck that. i really don't know alot. except that i'm in a horrendous state of mind. and i now know that study enhancers fuck my system up very badly. i can't get myself to sleep. ever it seems. and i always feel someone's watching me. always. and there are so many black creatures appearing and disappearing i don't know what to do with myself. but dealing with it is better than talking about it. they'll just put me on some sort of pill. but i don't want that. i don't want to be regulated. fuck that shit. i just want to get fucked up maaaaaaaan. speaking of which. last sunday. no just kidding two sundays ago. booze. and... hook-up fest '09. i don't want to see that kid again. but i did tell austen about him. and he freaked out. said he hates that kid, wants to kill him. but then he was nothing but sweet to me. i don't get it. austen tells me all these great things. and they're all so nice and pretty and loving. and it makes me rethink the way i work. i want to care about people. i want to care about him. but when it comes down to it. i have no clue what i'm doing.

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