• omfg aderall is the coolest shit in the entire world i feel like i just woke up from a full night of sleep except even better, because i don't just want to crawl back into bed everything is fucking fascinating even math i did the whole packet straight through i'm going to go over it again soon, just to make sure i know it all if i get a good grade my mom takes me shopping it's a bribery this time, no threats i think i'm just supposed to assume i never get to go to gymnastics again if i fail but whatever, it's fine, because i won't this stuff lasts for 8 hours and it's only 1 in the morning i have plently of time to do it before i remember school and forced learning make me miserable the best part is that i still have another half in my box and ten more in my gym bag i'm sharing those with the w4 of course we're all living the same double life lie good students during the week, skanky drunk girls on weekends i love how chris gave me a good deal because i'm fucking him well good, i deserve it atleast now i know i'm getting something tangible out of this I think that sick scared part of me wishes i could feel like this all the time this sleepless concentration, it's almost emotionless not once when i was studying did i think "wow this is such a waste of time" because right now, it feels important everything does the music, my journal, my fucking water bottle it all matters somehow and there's also the fact that such an escape is entirely plausible i mean, aderall is a perscription you can get it completely legally if you fake ADD i know i could pull it off but now, it just doesn't seem right to push that much feeling away that's why chris sells his instead of taking a daily dossage they make you turn into a zombie but maybe someday, if i start hurting again the way i sometimes do and my life's half over with no light in view then it's always an option thought i'd put it out there

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