• college. shit, man. i feel like i might be stressing myself out over college more than i should be. but then again, its approaching at a ridiculous speed. i have a huge list of schools. my three top schools are all a bit problematic. 1. NYU - HA, i do not have the money to go here at all. plus, my grades are good, but idk if they're NYU good. every time i mention NYU to my mom she gives me this sad little look. then she says something about how its good for me to strive for it, but she doesn't want to disappoint me. i'm really self conscious about even telling people i want to apply here, because i honestly don't know if i could get in. ARGH. 2. Cleveland State University - ....ahem. eight hours is a LOOOOOONG drive. and i'm scared that i only want to go here because of the possibility that i could get to intern with AP magazine. it IS a really nice school, though. and really affordable, considering its a state school. 3. York - its the smallest problem of the three, but its still of concern to me. York is in the middle of nowhere. i already live in the most boring town in new jersey. which is precisely why im itching and driving myself insane to get out of here. i feel so fucking trapped here, and i don't want to find myself trapped up there. sure, every one i know of that goes there LOVES it. but idk. its still bothering me. my mom desperately wants me to stay instate. i REFUSE. the statistics of the NJ schools kill me - 98% instate, 2% out of state. it's almost depressing. i want to go somewhere where i'm the 2%. but then i'm scared that if i go too far, i'll lose touch with all of my friends. i'm scared that on winter break and spring break and summer break i won't have anyone to come home to. on the other hand, if i don't go far enough, i'll never meet anyone new. i'll never move on with my life. i wanna be able to branch out and experience something completely different. this is all such bullshit. i'm not even ready to APPLY to college, and its stressing me out beyond belief. THEFUCK.

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