• I remember when I was little we would watch these videos where the letters had personalities, and X was always an outcast because he was C and S put together and he didn't feel like an individual, and even though he was accepted at the end I always felt bad for him. I've been thinking about the past a lot, I'm not sure if I'm thinking about it in a positive or negative light, but I'm thinking about it. I've been thinking about my friends a lot lately too, and about death and about how Robert died and he shouldn't have and how I'm so thankful Arnol's dad found him and that the gun misfired and he had to resort to pills because I don't know what I'd do without him and I wish I could express that without him feeling like I'm only saying it because of what happened. I wish I could just do one thing that could show everyone I love how much I care for them, but I just don't know what. Death is going to be with us our whole lives, and I'm starting to not feel so invincible anymore. I haven't been writing because I don't want to think because thinking means bad bad things, man. I think the economy is taking a toll on my family, but I hope not. I don't really care though, as long as we can be together I'm okay. I miss my sister. I wish I would have been there for Arnol and that I would have known and that I could stop blaming myself. I wish for one day I could be totally honest and just say what I think and not be argued on it, and just have people nod and accept my point of view and I accept theirs, but just for one day. I'm feeling really regretful right now and feeling like I need to tell everyone I care about that I really do care about them because they could be gone sooner than I'd like. So to all my friends who do read this (Camden, Trev, Suss, Kins, Ash, Jas, all of you) I really do care for you all and respect you as individuals and if anything ever, ever gets so bad that you don't want to be here, just call me and I'll talk to you even if it's 4 in the morning. And just man, I love you all so much and I wish I was better at expressing this stuff because you are all amazing people and I wouldn't change any of you for the world. And I hope I do get to visit you soon Suss. I don't read many journals anymore, and I should. I keep saying that I'm just so busy lately, but that shouldn't be an excuse. I need to start taking time to do things like that. I need to get my life in order, I need it to be in order because if everything is just in perfect order than no one will be hurt or upset because everything will be controlled and I will have control on life again and be able to stop blaming things because it will all be okay. Just let it be okay. I need to go to bed now and stop writing because I'm starting to get frantic and I need to tell Ali she is a great friend and that I'm glad she's a Cancer and I wouldn't have her any other way, and I need to hug Dar and let him know how much I appreciate him, and I need to do a lot of other things and stop thinking about myself so much. Just, everyone, try to be okay, and don't die, and buckle up when you get in a car and always look out for each other and just be okay. Quote of the Day: ~"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind."~ -- William Shakespeare

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