i dont know how to describe this feeling its everything packed into one intense emotion that i cant handle. people say i shouldn't be mad. but why the hell shudnt i be? he broke my heart. in an email no less. and i know hes sweet and shit but i just dont get how some people, who have been down this path before, can honestly say that i should forgive and forget right away. its rediculus. its not happening. not for a long long while -------------------------------------------------------------------- in case u didnt get it, ben and i broke up. in an email "it's not you its me." he said that. I cant stop crying. im not one to wear my heart on my sleeve so im trying so hard, almost too hard, to hide what im feeling. to bury it deep inside like i do with most things i dont want to or cant deal with. my mom keeps bringing him up. twice in 5 hours. she doesnt know. i havent told her. but everytime someone says his name, i just want to curl up and die. im bawling my eyes out as a write this. i got 3 hours of sleep last nite b/c i cudnt stop thinking abotu us. i know we never did a lot, but we were together for a year. in high school, thats pretty damn fucking long, and i cant just throw that all away because its upsetting and i dont want to tlak about it. not going to happen. idk what to do anymore. im so lost (break up email ^) ------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive Cause everything we've been through And everything about you Seemed to be a lie A guiltless twisted lie It made me learn to hate you Or hate myself for letting it pass by