• So good news! I already have fun plans for the weekend! yay! i convinced chris to be my dealer and get shit for my friends and i to get fucked up out of our minds we're going to J's because her parents don't really care and it means my parents don't have to know perfect today at lunch we all had a nice little chat about drugs and whatnot my friends are all so fucked up apparently E was shooting up heroine in holland while J spent freshman year in a cocaine and alcohol coma wow it's so weird when you find things out about people you love that make you feel kind of scared for them they're both fine now, but still it's strange knowing how easy it is to pretend to be completely sane when you're actually just about the opposite at the same time, though, i kind of wish i could have been there with them i need that kind of experience to differentiate me, to remind myself that i am fucking special i feel so normal and boring sometimes and i absolutely despise it i want to feel unpredictable, have a double life to think about those times i just don't want to be anywhere at all it should freak me out that if someone were to offer me acid or ecstasy i'd take it, but it doesn't so far, my life has proven that if i believe i'll coem out on top,then i actually will it takes alot to fuck up your life beyond repair I mean, look at E and J if i didn't know, i never would have even begun to guess I've been thinking about sunday all day, because just the thought of drugs makes my pulse start to race it seems so fun, so easy, all those glorious mistakes to make I'm sure i'll fuck chris, but honestly, i'd do that sober i'm sure i'll say something stupid, get out of control, but atleast i'll have an excuse it's not my fault, i was fucked up, i can say if i do anything wrong in real life, you don't get that there's no good excuses and everyone remembers if you can;t rememember, then nothing happened i want that feeling so bad i could explode and god fucking damnit,it's about time i got to experiement

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