• I think sometimes i just need somebody to remind me that i still have so much more life after high school we get so caught up in the here and now i let my sweet and lows drag me down to tears even though they're so short lived and immpermanant i just kind of forget to keep breathing sometimes when i'm in the car, i get so scared i hate driving one false move, one mistake bam, your done it doesn't make sense, i know i do backflips on balance beams i drink so i can't feel and i'm scared of a fucking car? my grandpa died like that you know as in one little crash they hooked him up to machines for a while, but he died instantly i think i cried, but i don't really remember i was only eight years old my other grandpa i don't remember is dying now it's so hard not to cry every time they make me visit him he forgets my name and tells my dad i'll hate him for it i wouldn't though, i couldn't so my dad laughs when he says that because we have to laugh to keep from hurting bad even though it's not really enough my mom acused me of being detatched tonight i told her i was fine she doesn't understand how much i need to be detatched and alone just so i can get through the day sometimes i worry about how depressed i get i wish i could feel less, or at least not show it i've been neglecting my writing too i've been neglecting everything i want to promise to stop, want to promise to fix it, but that's just a big lie i am inevitable flawed and fucked up no matter how many stars i wish on to change that

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