I think sometimes i just need somebody to remind me
that i still have so much more life after high school
we get so caught up in the here and now
i let my sweet and lows drag me down to tears
even though they're so short lived and immpermanant
i just kind of forget to keep breathing sometimes
when i'm in the car, i get so scared
i hate driving
one false move, one mistake
bam, your done
it doesn't make sense, i know
i do backflips on balance beams
i drink so i can't feel
and i'm scared of a fucking car?
my grandpa died like that you know
as in one little crash
they hooked him up to machines for a while,
but he died instantly
i think i cried, but i don't really remember
i was only eight years old
my other grandpa i don't remember is dying now
it's so hard not to cry every time they make me visit him
he forgets my name and tells my dad i'll hate him for it
i wouldn't though, i couldn't
so my dad laughs when he says that
because we have to laugh to keep from hurting bad
even though it's not really enough
my mom acused me of being detatched tonight
i told her i was fine
she doesn't understand how much i need to be detatched and alone
just so i can get through the day
sometimes i worry about how depressed i get
i wish i could feel less, or at least not show it
i've been neglecting my writing too
i've been neglecting everything
i want to promise to stop, want to promise to fix it, but that's just a big lie
i am inevitable flawed and fucked up no matter how many stars i wish on to change that
eventually it hurts less
- January 12, 2009
- serenity23
- No Comments
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