• I swear, by my own fault I should be fat. I'm on a downwards spiral and, for some reason, I don't really care - and for that reason it's getting worse. A mug of hot chocolate here, a packet of crisps there, a couple of biscuits instead of dessert. I know I always complain about skinny people who eat loads having massively high metabolisms, but I guess I do too. Even though I eat like a fucking unhealthy horse, I'm still a size 10-12 (UK). I have no willpower whatsoever. I have no enthusiasm for exercise because I can't stand the feeling of being out of breath. I told myself I'd join a gym for New Year but, chances are, it won't happen. I did gymnastics 4 hours a week for 8 years, stopped 2 years ago and have barely missed it since. I used to enjoy the shuttle runs and hourly conditioning sessions every week, I used to follow conditioning sheets at home without realising how fit I was at the time. Now...I've just lost the will. I'm a lazy fuck and I want to find some determination, to strive to acheive SOMETHING. I've got to make myself want this. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER YOU LAZY TURD. Has this helped in the slightest, or am I just ranting? Maybe the fact that it's playing on my mind & making me so bothered is a good thing. It can be the start of something. Maybe I'll force myself to join the gym with Nonie and go at least 1-2 times a week. Find some motivation, I'm 15 for fuck's sake, I should be full of oomph. Damn this constant state of lethargy...

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