• everyone always gets sick when i'm supposed to do something with them. is it my luck? or is it an excuse they all use to get out of it? well, nevermind. i'm just wallowing. i promised her i wouldn't look for it. it's getting progressively harder not to... i've been replaced by a blog and another friend. i guess i had it coming. they basically planned it at my house- and no one invited me. guess i had good reason to feel miserable that night. forget it. the only reason i let myself wallow is so someone will notice. i'm never happy unless i'm the center of attention... and you don't know how much this is hurting me... i'm far too attached. so proud of being an individual, but i'm really not. far too dependent. and sometimes i wonder if it would be easier on me to just stop talking to her, but i know i never could...

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