but never this many times in one day. i cant take it. i cry every night. i take pills, and i do stuff that i never thought i would let myself do. I dont eat at school. Instead i come home and stuff my face for hours. and then i dont eat again until the next afternoon. I dont eat breakfast, i hardly eat dinner except when im at my dads cuz he yells when i dont. and just idk. my leg has scars. my hands have scars. my heart is scarred. but theres not a god damned thing i can do about it. I can't keep living this nightmare thats supposed to be my life. its not working. i just keep wishing that i'll wake up and everything will be back to the way it was when i was 5,6,7 years old. when life wasnt so god damned complicated and i could actually be happy for the next day, week, month to come. now i just dont want to wake up. all i want to do is sleep. i really have no interest in seeing or talking to friends but i do anyways, just so my parents dont catch on. i just dont know what to do. my dad keeps talking about my room and how messy it is (at my moms house). but i just want to say to him "you gave up the right to critize my cleanliness when you moved out" but i dont because i know that would break his heart. i cant do that to him. i cant lose both my parents. i cant let that happen. i cant lose him too. i dont take pride in anything anymore. my grades are slipping. im more aggitated and easily angered, and i feel like im pushing people away and i dont want to. i dont mean too. i cant lose them too.