• Current Facebook status: "Melissa made cheesy scrambled eggs!! and now considers herself a skilled chef."

   

  Possible alternative statuses: "Melissa...

  wishes her best friend would apologise for hurting her."

  gave up her social life today to attempt finishing Geography coursewok. And failed."

  's brother should be happier right now because he deserves it above most people."

  has shut herself off in the living room because her father is annoying the piss out of her."

  dropped off last night thinking about the last time she fell asleep with Xavi, wishing it could happen again"

  doesn't want to go to the Snowball for fear of having to see JH and the night being ruined thereafter."

  fucking hates Trichatillomania."
  

  wishes bad things only happened to bad people."

   

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