• so tonight was hilarious
  swim meet @ princeton, vs south brunswick
  im pretty sure the funnnniest pictures/jokes resulted from the meet/busride home
  
  but while i was looking at/peeing my pants over all the pictures from tonight on facebook,
  i saw that my old friend zac added new pictures
  
  it made me so sad
  
  me and amber used to hang out with these boys -
  zac, gerard, aleks, andrew, dan, sometimes derek, sometimes josh
  - almost every weekend
  
  and i honestly have never felt so at home with a group of kids
  they were the funniest people alive, and we all played off each other sooo wellll
  
  the perfect blend of flirting, and just being friends
  one minute, we were cuddling/flirting/holding hands
  the next, we were playing tackle football or having a burping contest
  or going swimming fully clothed or having a huge watergun fight
  or wrestling or playing air hockey/pool/guitar hero/rockband
  or watching futurama or going to a show
  
  everything was always fun and easy going
  i was 100% myself with them, and they didnt ask for anything more
  i would hang out with then in my pajamas or sweats - looking completely dude-ly
  and they couldnt possibly care any less
  
  basically, i loved them all
  
  basically, we havent seen them since summer
  and amber and i dont know why
  
  they dont call us anymore, and they either dont answer us when we call
  or they 'are out' 'already have plans' 'are grounded' 'have work'
  idk, its really saddening
  
  so i started looking through the pictures
  and i was laughing at the stupid ones that described then in a nutshell
  which only made me feel worse
  
  especially the ones with other girls
  
  its not a jealousy thing like you have with an ex
  it was just like.... /: that used to be me
  
  or even the ones of just the boys -
  laughing, talking in the picture, arms thrown around each other 
  - made me miss them. i used to fit right in between a.god and zac
  or right in aleks' lap. or with g-rad on my back. 
  laughing along with them
  
  i could literally go on for days about all the hilarious things they would do to/with me
  all the jokes we had, everything we did and said
  
  but it would just make me miss them more
  it already killlllls to begin with /:
  
  they were seriously some of the sweetest people ever
  nothing was ever awkward
  i mean, andrew would chill with me and amber alone even after he started dating his gf
  it was never a big deal
  
  im a sucker for camraderie, and thats what the were for me
  it was my crew! they were my booooyyys
  and now?
  
  now were strangers?
  i just dont get it
  
  i miss them so much
  idc if i sound like im bitching
  i miss my boys
  my best friends
  my support system
  my body guards
  my fucking family
  my all around favorite people on the planet
  and now?
  
  
  and now?

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