• God I feel like shit. Mentally and physically. What else isn't new, eh? I always feel terrible. I'm always fucking sick and it pisses me right the fuck off. Why do I get stuck with the shitty-ass immune system? I'm always in and out of the doctor's office on all sorts of drugs thinking there's something horribly wrong with my body, then I realize that my family doctor is just a fucking drug pusher and now I don't really know what.

  My mind hurts, my chest hurts, my heart hurts... everything hurts. All the fucking time.
  This is so stupid, usually I'm bitching at people like this for whining so much. But.. god. If being a hypocrite means I get to vent then so be it. I just want to get better and be healthy for once in a fucking while.

  You know my mom used to refuse to take me to the doctor? On two occasions I convinced her, first time it turns out I had a drone cold (continuously catching the illness after recovery, I had it for three months), the other, both of my feet were broken in multiple places.
  I'm not saying any of this is her fault... As if having shit for health I just had to have the fucked up family mentality to go with it. My mom's a good mother and all, she's just really... sick. In her mind, if you know what I mean. I don't want to flat out say she's got a mental illness, but I just kind of did there and god what the hell am I even talking about anymore?

  I wanna go sleep some more, but I have homework. Fucking trig, who the hell CARES what the perimeter of two similar triangles are? Who thought this shit up? At which point will this affect my life? Jesus fucking christ I hate my math class.
  I hate pretending that I love it, though. I hate pretending that everything is just peaches and fucking cream while inside I wanna punch someone in the throat, and I know that can't be healthy at ALL but still.

  That's a really long rant up there so I'll cut it out now and leave you with a song.

  Just to Feel Better by Santana Ft. Steven Tyler

  She said I feel stranded
  And I can't tell anymore
  If we coming or I'm going
  It's not how I planned it
  I've got the key to the door
  But it just won't open
  
  And I know I know I know
  Part of me says let it go
  That life happens for a reason
  I don't I don't I don't
  It goes I never went before
  But this time this time
  
  I'm gonna try anything that just feel better
  Tell me what to do
  You know I can't see through the haze around me
  And I do anything that just feel better
  
  And I can't find my way
  Girl I need a change
  And I do anything that just feel better
  Any little thing that just feel better
  
  She said I need you to hold me
  I'm a little far from the shore
  And I'm afraid of sinking
  You're the only one knows me
  And who doesn't ignore
  That my soul is weeping
  
  I know I know I know
  Part of me says let it go
  Everything must have it seasons
  Round and round it goes
  And every day's a one before
  But this time this time
  
  I'm gonna try anything that just feels better
  Tell me what to do
  You know I can't see through the haze around me
  And I do anything that just feel better
  
  And I can't find my way
  God I need a change
  And I do anything that just feel better
  Any little thing that just feel better
  
  Long to hold you in my arms
  To all things I ought to leave behind yeah
  It's really getting nowhere
  I think I need a little help this time
  
  I'm gonna try anything that just feel better
  Tell me what to do
  You know I can't see through the haze around me
  And I do anything that just feel better
  
  And I can't find my way
  Girl I need a change
  And I do anything that just feel better
  Any little thing that just feel better

  Quote of the Day: Pain is inevitable, Misery is a choice. 

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