• was good. i felt unusually optimistic and the things that would normally get me down aren't bothering me as much. i do feel bad though. i can tell my dad is really disappointed in me, but its not like he yells or anything. its worse. i can just tell. ahh 

  i am a good person. when i do wrong things i feel bad about it. half the people i know don't.  

  it just sucks because i feel like my dad is the only person that doesn't like..judge me.. and he respects me and my opinions...he doesnt treat me like a stupid teenager.. and that means alot. i need someone in my life that kinda understands. and i dont know if he knows this but i really really look up to him.. and i try and stick up for him when people say he's weird. i dont think he's weird. actually, i know he's not weird. he's smart. beyond there level of comprehension... people think i'm weird too. but i just hope that i'm smart like my dad. and i dont know why i'm mean to him sometimes. but he does get frustrating with the way he acts. 

  when he's mad at me it sucks worse then anybody... i just have this feeling like i let him down. i should have worked harder. i will now but just what the hell was i thinking?? yeah its hard to focus but just. do. it. i know how to make myself. my grades don't have to suck again. i'm fine. i can do it like everybody else. i was stupid to think i'm an exception. i'm not. i'm fine. and normal. i was just lazy. and i can't keep letting people down. i always screw everything up. ahhh. 

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