• I'm so tired right now, but i can't go to sleep just yet

  I need to stay up so I can think right tomorrow

  so when i close my eyes on car rides i can actually dream

  i wonder if heaven looks like headlights

  you know the bright kind that break throguh your eyelids?

  I bet dying is just being enveloped in that blindness

  my grandpa broke his hip

  no one cares, no one cares

  i may never see him sane again

  i might hate him a little inside if he can't remember my name

  in a sick way, i'd almost rather let go now if all the hope has already run dry

  maybe if i expect it, i'll be less let down

  I think I'm losing my ability to hate people

  today rebecca#2 had to sit next to me in science

  i didn't even flinch

  At this point, all I feel is disconnect

  I can't hate her, because it's so unfair

  I am intelligent and attractive

  I have friends who actually like me

  I have had a guy tell me they loved me and mean it

  She has none of those things

  In a strange way, i almost started to pity her

  this girl who ruined my life, who called me a bitch and a whore right to my face

  i actually felt sorry for her

  I think sometimes i neeed moments of clarity like that

  for me to remember just how far i've come and how lucky i am

  I saw chris today

  it reminded me how much i care

  i really wish i didn't

  i hate being hurt

  especially like this, when i set myself up

  even though i can see it coming

  i don't know what else to think about

  did i already mention i'm tired?

  maybe i'll write better when my eyes are open

   

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