• copied from Microsoft Word, LOLZ.

   

  So, songmeanings is down and writing in this journal is the only thing I really want to do right now. Apart from to have things go back to the way they were last week with Xavi, but that’s not the point. And pretty much impossible. While he’s off at his second gig in three days with a group of people I guess I could call my friends, I’m left wondering if his ‘smitten’ thing was just a lovely phase. It’s felt a lot like The Old Days since Thursday, and JESUS do I hate it so much. He doesn’t tell me he loves me. He doesn’t bother texting back for hours at a time. He doesn’t miss me. He doesn’t tell me things that make me smile. I’m left with my imagination and a whole lot of memories to entertain myself. He’s “properly grounded” from tomorrow, apparently. No ‘I want to see you’s, no mention of the whole ‘You’re still allowed over to my house’ thing. Needless to say, that never happened and probably never will. I know I’m ranting by now but my eyelids are prickling and I can’t tell whether it’s because of anger or sadness. Maybe it’s from nostalgia – now that I’ve experienced what it’s like to be loved in return, it’s a lot harder to live with the alternative. I miss him so, so much. I miss his REAL smile, not the forced one I kept seeing in London. I want to feel like we’re an actual couple again, I want to feel like it isn’t just me. Maybe it IS just me. I know I overanalyse things a lot – am I being oversensitive and too quick to judge? I fucking hope so. I’m going to go watch the 6th episode of the O.C. in a row this evening.

   

   

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