• hey, so i haven't been on here in forever this week has just been so crazy i don't even know what happened to all those hours i'm sure i was just chilling at home probably napping i guess i've found sleep is a kickass way to pass the time the way the brain works fascinates me i'm actually in the process of doing an experiement where every night i stay up five minutes later than the night before tonight I'm up to midnight go me! I find i actually think alot better when I'm running on less sleep not clearer exactly, just...deeper more abstract as in,when i close my eyes on the bus ride, I can literally trick my mind into forgetting I'm just a girl on her way to school It's like day dreaming magnified For 30 minutes i can be whoever my mind subconsciously wants me to be eventually, my goal is to stay up all night by myself without sleeping i want to see what happens i'm guessing it would be something like nirvana, or whatever buddists call it when you deprive yourself of something essential so completely not sleeping at night, only taking short dream trips in the car, it makes me feel in control like hey, here i am, doing something absolute and physical to break from normalacy it's pretty interesting i think hopefully i can keep my eyes open tonight Anyway, i think i definitely need to talk about chris OMFG he is so confusing! li have no ifuckingdea what his deal is but apparently he is definitely going to my friend's party as in officially, he has the address and a plan etc i don't get it why would he want to hang out with a bunch of 16 year old girls on halloween? I know he has other friends even if most of them are at college, he has eric and he's 18 can't he just go to a club and bang wasted skanks? whenever i propose this to random people, the response is always that he wants to fuck me which is fine, like i'll get with him, whatever but whyyyyyy?????? i mean, we barely talk outside of gym now he's made it very clear that the benifit part of our friendship is over and now all of a sudden he's inviting himself to my friend's house a half hr away? what the hell? ah sorry if i sound like a stupid angsty teenager that no one wants to listen to, but i'm really soooooooo weirded out right now you know how sometimes you can just focus in so much on annalyzing one tiny aspect of your life that everytime you talk, it's all that comes out? well i'm kind of in that mode right now even though i know it's stupid and insignificant, for now it's all i've got to go on people create drama because it makes life interesting i overanalyze everything because otherwise i'd have nothing to write about well i think i'm going to go get icecream now and then do my homework so i can stay up until midnight and then maybe watch real chance at love because it's so stupid it's funny god, our poor generation later -serenity p.s. Alex, if you read this, I'm sorry i haven't emailed you back yet. I'll get on that as soon as i can, promise!

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