• current music: something corporate - konstantine it kind of sucks always being the last one awake. kyle used to be good at staying up w/ me but he has allowed himself to slip into a normal sleeping schedule, and since cam is gone i don't have much to do. i'm suffering from a bout of jealousy right now. i don't really want to say why. and i know it's not really a big deal and i know i shouldn't be, but you know how it is when your mind has a little something to go on and it just creates the worst situation that could possibly exist? and i don't want to play games and i know i should just bring this thing up that i'm worried about, but then it's like i want to wait for him to say something, but then it would seem like test of whether i can trust him or not, but it's really not like that at all and it's not like i need to do that. anyone who is reading this is probably thinking this is something much more serious than it is. of course it's not a big deal, but to me it is. being an extrememly jealous and possessive person also sucks. i wonder if everyone in a relationship is like this or if i am worse than the average person. it's not like i don't want him to have a past, but things from his past upset me, and they really shouldn't, considering he didn't even know me then. it's like i won't let myself be totally happy. and i know there will never be anyone who doesn't have a past or who isn't attracted to other people but it's a little hard to accept that. but i would rather know that than be oblivious to the truth...

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