• having a shitty day. she hates me now. not my fault. i told the truth. if she had actually tried, she wouldn't be redoing it, now would she? damn, who am i kidding? i'm already blaming myself. i'm saying it wasn't me as much to convince myself as to convince you. and his eyes still get me... i saw who he used to be today. he really came through... damn i miss him. a lot. more than i ever thought i would. time heals almost everything. and as i told Paige, a little forgiveness goes a long way. fuck it. i can't. i won't. dammit, never again. not him. not now. not ever... i need to stay uninvolved in that one respect. uninvolved. i can't do it. i won't let myself. no. no. i'm putting myself back on my diet. and this time i'm gonna stay... no looking at the menu. oh, and it doesn't help that i'm totally periing. i feel like crap.

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