• I'm kinda glad this year is nearly over. Not like I really forget the last year but... So I started drinking again, in private, I have to caps of vodka in every glass of whatever I'm drinking just to get through the days know. I'm not getting drunk from it, I need my functionality to get through the day, no one knows I'm doing this. I just have so many voices in my head I need to drown. I have an exam tomorrow as well and I'm going to totally fuck it up and in turn I'm going to fuck up my life... Like it matters. This has been my fifth glass today and right now I don't want to go to sleep. I don't want to lie in the dark alone again, not like every other god damn night, that is when the voices hurt the most. That is when they fuck you up the most... 17 hours to go. And already another friday night on my own... $30 on vodka, cheaper than going out and not as irritating, however I really couldn't afford that, in reality I should have put that on my credit card, which I owe a shit load due to the fact I had to replace my iPod a few weeks ago and get some new shoes. I mean it all just happens at once. I contacted my father about a bit of help getting out of a hole, and what does he do call me a bastard and such, I mean I reached out and tried to contact so much could be said for him, I mean 5 years it will be in january since I've seen him, he's better off dead to me. Shit I'm so fucking tired and it's only quarter past 9...

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