• sometimes i just can't do it anymore i need a break, to turn off my mind just to sit here at my computer, let the songs fill me full and just write like i'm breathing I'm so confused about what i want from boys right now i keep thinking about aaron which makes me think about chris which makes me think about matt which makes me want to scream it's so strange, because no matter how much people hurt me i still want them to love me i'm terrible at being a bitch i still hug chris when i go to the gym i say hi to matt in the hall if we make eye contact and obviously i let aaron take advantage whenever he pleases but i think all this niceness is secretly driving me crazy because i'm so freaking angry at every single one of them and i just don't know how to phrase it i want closure, but i don't believe in happy endings i believe in screaming matches and lost friendships and it just doesn't seem worth it the really insane part though is that in 20 years, none of these guys are going to ever matter there will always be new boys for someone like me i move on fast because it stings less if you just get it over with, find someone else to replace the last one you don't think about them nearly as much but now, when i have no one all the thoughts and memories become almost haunting you don't realize you even have regrets until there's noone left to care it always comes too late for anything it just sits in the bottom of your stomach and burns hurt always comes out as petty when you try to explain it but anger, that's what gives you strength and sometimes i need that to remind myself just what i'm worth that i don't deserve to be treated like crap that i was completely justified in almost every little piece of fighting back because it make me who i am

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