sometimes i just can't do it anymore
i need a break, to turn off my mind
just to sit here at my computer, let the songs fill me full
and just write like i'm breathing
I'm so confused about what i want from boys right now
i keep thinking about aaron
which makes me think about chris
which makes me think about matt
which makes me want to scream
it's so strange, because no matter how much people hurt me
i still want them to love me
i'm terrible at being a bitch
i still hug chris when i go to the gym
i say hi to matt in the hall if we make eye contact
and obviously i let aaron take advantage whenever he pleases
but i think all this niceness is secretly driving me crazy
because i'm so freaking angry at every single one of them and i just don't know how to phrase it
i want closure, but i don't believe in happy endings
i believe in screaming matches and lost friendships
and it just doesn't seem worth it
the really insane part though is that in 20 years, none of these guys are going to ever matter
there will always be new boys for someone like me
i move on fast because it stings less
if you just get it over with, find someone else to replace the last one
you don't think about them nearly as much
but now, when i have no one
all the thoughts and memories become almost haunting
you don't realize you even have regrets until there's noone left to care
it always comes too late for anything
it just sits in the bottom of your stomach and burns
hurt always comes out as petty when you try to explain it
but anger, that's what gives you strength
and sometimes i need that to remind myself just what i'm worth
that i don't deserve to be treated like crap
that i was completely justified in almost every little piece of fighting back
because it make me who i am
you can't wait to fall in love
- October 13, 2008
- serenity23
- No Comments
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