• "So, for tonight I'll stay here with you Yes, for tonight I'll lay here with you ." Xavi asked what I was thinking the other night, and I told him that I was wishing he wasn't an hour away from me. that was the song he was listening to. and it made him sad, how fitting the lyrics were, how they reminded him of being with me. last night he was lovely. we sat on a bench in Hudson's field for an hour, on our own, talking. he told me some things I didn't want to hear - for about a month, a few months ago, he "went off me". I didn't know what to say. he was adamant that he realised how wrong that was, and he made it pretty clear how strongly he feels about me now, so I tried to forget about it and just concentrate on the present. apparently I care too much for other people. I'm glad he thinks so. we lay nose-to-nose on the sofa, and the only place I managed to fall asleep was in his arms. our talking made me realise just how much I've waited around for him, and how badly he's treated me. now that we're seemingly perfect, I feel slightly on edge - what if this all wears off and we go back to how it used to be? I don't think I'll be able to stand it anymore if that happens. if he changes again, I'm finished. It's over. I don't want to have to say it but I do. that's not to say I'm expecting it to happen - god, I am hoping so unspeakably hard that we'll stay like this. my mind's in a muddle. I don't know if I enjoy being in love.

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