• It's Saturday, but I feel like writing. I wrote all this stuff down in English class, but now I don't feel like typing it all up. So, maybe I'll do that tomorrow. On Thursday I wore the navy sweater to school. I wasn't sure if Dar would really like it or not, but he did. He said I looked really nice, and then he said something like how I always look nice but on that particular day I looked really vibrant. It made me feel really nice, and lately I've noticed more when he calls me beautiful and makes my stomach flip, and not just because he makes me feel good, but because for the first time in a very long time I am really starting to feel beautiful. He also says that it's really nice that I don't have to wear showy shirts and look like a slut in order to look nice. That made me feel really nice, because I never really expected he would say that. He's coming over in a bit and he's going to teach me to skate some more, and we're going to watch some movies. It will be nice. I finished The Perks of Being a Wallflower in two days. It's wonderful, really. Two separate people I know told me I was a lot like Charlie, and come to find out, they are right. Many of his letters are almost exactly like some of my entries. I finished the book when Dar was over last night (he was looking at band stuff on my laptop) and when I did I told him it was amazing and he asked what it was about and how it ended, so I told him. His reaction kind of surprised me, he said the book sounded really sad. Which I guess in the end, it really was, but it was sad in an optimistic way. The book kind of arose a few question in myself. I'm kind of wondering if I'm 'participating' in life. Part of me says I'm not. Yet, at the same time, it depends on what you consider participating. I think perhaps Bill wants Charlie to do normal things, like dances and such, but to Charlie those things aren't normal. Which, I guess to me, it's the same. So in the end I have no answer, just a question that has no answer. That's how a lot of things are. I flipped out on my English class yesterday, and before that on this kid in my Chem class. I also got to listen to this dumb bitch complain about Obama being a 'towel head' and listened to her being racist in an indirect way. It's funny, because she started reading a bible afterward, and Obama is a Christian..haha. Also, she draws in her bible, how disrespectful. haha.l I hate people. Oh, she also didn't give any reasoning whatsoever as to why McCain should be prez, which just added to her stupidity. So basically, I kept snapping on people yesterday. I snapped on Jon (the kid in chem) because he wouldn't shut the fuck up and kept arguing with Ali about music. (which of course she had to argue back) So I leaned forward looked him in the eyes and said something like 'No more, No more talking, No more questions, No more music, No more arguing, shut the hell up, go it?' He just kind of looked at me and Ali started laughing so I shot her a look, because she was part of the problem too. Then, in English we had the write on these big pieces of paper and Mic brought over an extra on accident and threw to my group (Ali and me) so Ali makes a big deal and keeps giving back to him and he keeps giving back to her. So I ripped the paper from his hands marched over to the place where the extras were suppose to go slammed it down muttered something about dumb people (which is where Mrs. D says 'uh-oh') Turn to face them, throw my hands in the air and say in a raised voice 'Wow! That was so difficult, I am so very tired, I'm going to go take a nap now' and they all just kind of stared at me and no one spoke for a long time. I hate snapping like that, but god damn, is any of that really needed? They're all so very petty, and they talk and talk and talk, and then they yell and yell, and it's never quiet, and I just want some quiet. I feel really tired lately, like I just want to run away from school and hang out all day walking around town, where it's quiet. I've been cutting down on my escapism, and I think that may be a reason I'm feeling so snappy. I think I'm going to try and read Slaughter-house Five next. I have a lot of things I want to read. I wish I could just pause time. I also wish I could fast forward it. I also want to read Peter Pan. I have so many books I want to read =\. Time just feels like this big hourglass and it just keeps running out of sand, and I'm just sitting there watching it helplessly. This is getting pessimistic and I'm hungry. Quote of the Day: ~"You may delay, but time will not."~ --Benjamin Franklin

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