• he said he'd try harder and he HASN'T. I knew he wouldn't. Once again he hasn't replied to a text, then left it up to me two days later to get in contact. In what universe could that be considered anything other than completely unfair? I wanted to take him to see Funeral For A Friend for his birthday, but he's already going with his 'canoeing buddy' Mike. He didn't seem fazed by how gutted I was that we couldn't go. Screw him, I'll get him a completely impersonal present, then. Something so shallow there's no way he'll ever be able to read into it. No mixtape, no words, no 'I love you', no afternoon, evening and night spent together with nothing else but music. I don't care. I'll give him a fucking whoopee cushion. I never thought I'd live to see myself turn into such a weak excuse for a person. I know all the signs scream that he's not a good boyfriend, but somehow I'm managing to be both obsessed with the fact AND ignore it at the same time. I won't see you at the weekend, and I know you aren't bothered. Well, if you are, you're making a fantastic job of hiding it. Have fun getting pissed and goofing around without me. I'm not making the first move again until you do it for once. I'm sick of it. Show me you want me or just give up. Is that so much to ask?

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