• I'm killing myself from the inside out I'm trying so hard to be someone else, someone so very different from the way i've been raised but breaking the mold while staying in line turns out to be quite the impossible task Especially when you doubt yourself as much as i do I always say i'm gonna lead the life i choose, but there's so much in the way It's going to take alot of sympathy, alot of luck and hope and determination But somehow, those are all skills I've sort of aquired over the years By disguising myself behind all these different personas, these strangers I've just experienced twice as much maybe it's not such a bad thing to have no idea where the hell you're headed that way you can put most of the mistakes behind you and just head off on your way It usually doesn't feel like it, but 16 is really so young I mean, all I know is this town there's so much more i need to make sense of Most likely, I've got years and years left, but of course nothing is for sure I could get hit by a car I could get shot or stabbed or broken And when i start to think about that, about the impermanace of my life here, I get scared Because if I were to die right now, I'd feel so angry and cheated That's no way to die at all I want my stars to finally explode i want the thunder to pull me underneath the haze but I don't want to just let go I replay the catchy choruses in my head all the time I've somehow mangaed to create a life based on the lyrics that fill my mind I've found recently that it's easier for me to just watch other people talk about nothing than to join in I'm an observer, a watcher I don't like gettting caught up because i have no idea where the swell will take me I'm so small, so human only a fractional part of a universe The vast vast majority of the world, of this state even doesn't even know I exist It doesn't matter how many chances I take, how many hearts and bones I break I'll always only be a little part of a masterplan That's why I've learned to accept my own significance, to simply strive to mean something to the few people that stand by me

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