• fuck you. fuck you so, so much right now. i just tried to actually write exactly how i'm feeling right now towards you, using actual non-explicit language, but the truth is, that's all i can say. FUCK. YOU. i don't know why i'm even thinking about you. i've given you so much over the last 6 months and this is how you repay me. i text you, you don't reply. you ditch me, your GIRLFRIEND, to go and get pissed. again. you make me feel like i've been punched in the stomach every time i think about what you did. your thighs brushing. your hand on her hand. leaning in. having all the time in the fucking world to realise what you were doing to me and pull away. you're a shitbag, you really are. i hate you right now. and tomorrow morning...i'll hate you still. but I'll love you at the same time. i'll still think of your smile and my stomach will flip over. i'll still remember watching Monsters Inc with you, with my head on your chest. this is the hardest thing i've ever had to do, love you. it hurts so bad, xavi, i've lost count of the number of times i've felt like this, alone, at home, crying like a pathetic little kid. but i know i'm not pathetic. i know i deserve better than you. but i don't WANT it. i want you, you fucking twat! why make me fall for you only to turn and completely change before my eyes? fuck. times a million. i want to go to sleep...

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