• last entry (which feels like ages ago) i said i had a lot to say. and i didn't type that much because steven pummeled (not ran! haha) down the stairs and i just clicked 'submit' and exited out really quickly. he likes to read my shit on the internet for some reason, haha. just the other day marked five months. five. jesus christ. it seems like two weeks. and i LOVE IT. and yeah, i'll admit, there IS so much to say. so much shit has happened but i don't have the heart or strength to type it. i feel so weak lately, it's terrible. i've taken up smoking black and milds (wine flavored only please) instead of weed. i got high today, though. and it was glorious. oh, so story time. gather 'round the circle, kids!! set scene: last night, cruisin around. me and steven (steven mostly) had this idea to take this really shitty shitty shake weed that steffy had (and it was over an ounce of it =\) and just lace it into her cigarettes so when she smoked them, she got a little buzz. (we were bored, hahaha.) so we drive by her house, and i see the light in her room is on and so i just jump through her window (it's a one story and it's connected to the porch) and i see she's not home. but her mom's friend, karly, is. karly sees me take the can that steffy usually keeps her weed in, and me not finding anything, i just threw it on the dresser and hopped back out the window. karly gets super pissed, calls me back into the house and asks what i take. she goes offoffOFF on me. so terribly bad... but she's NEVER done that before, ever, so i figured somethign had to be wrong. now, karly knows we toke, and has even lit up with us before so that's not what i was worried about (even though i didnt take anything.) she tells me to fuck off and not come back anymore.. i was a little upset, i'll admit it. so the next day at school i tell stephanie the story, she didn't seem too worried about it and told me that her and her boyfriend had just broken up the day before and she had gotten surgery that day. so i was like, oh okay. then after school we all go over to stephanies house to get high, and karly's still there (she lived with her boyfriend so..), at first she's upset that i'm there, asked steffy if i told her the WHOLE story, and stephanie kinda went off on her. karly starts crying, saying she went to her boyfriend's house and he beat her up, for the third time. stephanie shows no remorse or pity and gets on the phone and walks out of the room (there were other drama mamas calling her, shit was so crazy.) and then karly starts crying massively and apologizing to me profusely... i say it's alright, it's fine, no big deal (which it really wasn't.) and i sat down next to her and she just cried on my shoulder. i don't know karly well enough to have been that comforting to her, but, we've gotten drunk and high together so i figured there could be some connection there, haha. she tells me she just can't press charges on her boyfriend. i knew she didnt wanna talk about it so i just fetched her another beer and packed a bowl. but when we got high it just got worse. she kept talking and talking about killing herself. we had to like, keep on suicidal watch and wouldn't allow her in the bathroom by herself. that was a real buzz killer, but i feel like i care so much more for her now. and also, she made up a pretty badass word: highpolar. hahaha. it's like, when you're high and you get really moody and then forget about it ten seconds later and join in the conversation fun zone. it was so funny then... now it only seems a bit amusing. almost pathetically funny. sigh. school's alright, to be honest. my hardest class is pre-algebra, because i am a terribly jellybean at math. oh lord, if only i was blessed with math skills instead of....well, if only i was blessed with math skills. all of the teachers are okay, i think i'm on a pretty good term with most of them, and the one i wasn't on with (he gave me a detention the second day!) i saw a street sign with his name on it that weekend, and took a picture of it and showed him, and ever since then we've been cool, hahaha. things are impeccably perfect between me and steven. it's so crazy. but i don't want to rant on and on about him and myself because sometimes it annoys me when people do it on here. there's so many decisions to make pretty shortly here. it's gonna be a long weekend, i can tell you that. and not long in the way that's good because school seems so far away, but long in the way that i'm going to miss what i have to decide for or against. i'm sure that doesn't make sense to anyone but me, but oh well. oh! one last thing. lately the two books i've been looking for were Lolita by (some russian writer, vladimir bolkov or something like that) and Ham on Rye by Charles Bukowski (courtesy of Quit_Lollygagging :)) and i've checked four libraries for each and neither had them. then at work last saturday, we always have free books in the coffee shop, and when i was cleaning up, i just happened to look to the left of me and by golly, there was Lolita! I'm so utterly happy. i also took another one called Nymphos and Other Maniacs, which is pretty good so far. They're both pretty old-time books, which means they have a lot of words i don't understand... and Lolita was written by a russian, so obviously there's a lot more explaining than necessary. sorry for the unbearably long paragraphs. those always look so intimidating to me, so i tried to make them more friendlier. haha. cheers.

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