• so. jesus. good points about monday night? 1: Basically, i had a fucking good time. I didn't know half the people that went but I got talking to quite a few. found two guys going into year 12 that love Bright Eyes and DCFC...I think I may have given them both tacklehugs when I found out. We had a MASSIVE drunken conversation about music that included lots of dancing and yelling 'Oh my GOD, I LOVE them!!' I climbed a tree with Bonney and swung down off it and fell over. Patch brought fake moustaches and we stuck them on people in the morning (including a passed out Xavi) and it looked hilarious (: Met some guy who lives in Ibiza that was wearing INSANE tartan skinny jeans and a bright orange hat. Got reaquainted with Phil after not having seen him for ages, and met his (really nice) new girlfriend. A guy in the year above, Pete, tried it on with me and I had great pleasure informing him that a) I was in the year below (he didn't realise) and b) I have a boyfriend. Xavi told me he loves me. And I know he was pretty fucking pissed, but when he's wasted he's seriously the most truthful he can be. He promised, after what he did (see below), he's going to be more attentive, affectionate and generally make way more of an effort with us, and I sincerely hope he meant that. That brings me on to the BAD point of monday night. Writing this down will, unfortunately, only confirm that it's 100% true - but I have to do it anyway. I need to figure this out. 1: He kissed another girl. That's why he'd barely spoken to me all week. He cheated on me. And no amount of "I'm sorry"s will ever make that up. I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully trust him again, but the truth is, I can't imagine being without him. I spoke to Ruth about it and she was gobsmacked that I'd stayed with him and was still speaking to him. I KNOW what a lot of other people would've done is gotten angry and broken up - but if I'd done that, I wouldn't have been doing what I wanted to do. Sure, it was a shitty thing to do and I have absolutely no fucking idea what must've been going through his head at the time. But it was a kiss, at least it wasn't anything more than that. And maybe this is the beginning of the end, but I want to stick with it at least to see if maybe this was the defining point in our relationship - a slap in the face that reminded us how much we want to be with each other and not anyone else. I hope he took note of how Hanah responded to being in that situation herself - deliberately whoreing herself out to 3 complete strangers in one night. is he thankful I didn't do that? He fucking better be. shit, I don't know. did I let him off the hook too easily? was I a complete doormat to want to carry on like normal and forget about it? all I know is that I love him - as much as I now hate to admit it - and I know other people have gotten over so much more than this. we talked about a lot last night. I can't remember a lot of it. I fucking hate vodka. truth is, I feel pretty messed up at the moment. writing this hasn't been much help either, but I needed to document exactly how I felt nearer the time. Maybe it'll help later, I have no idea. I can't articulate every single thought in my head right now. I'll stop trying.

• No Comments

Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.

Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!