• This Very Moment by Set Your Goals. Mutiny! by Set Your Goals. Mhm. I suck at goodbyes. Probably because I've never had to really do one before. But today I do. And I'm being classic Courtney. Instead of facing my issues, I ignore them. i.e. instead of dealing with the fact that my friend is leaving for college in two days, I'm just pretending that she's not. Wtf why am I so fucking wierd like that? Like I'm reluctant to hang out with her tonight because I don't want to cry in front of her and I don't want it to be awkward and sad. I was really close to not texting her at all to make plans. Why the fuck am I such a shitty person? I have the most ridiculous insecurities. I did the same thing when my grandma died in March. My parents were at the hospital with her and I was home sick. I was AVOIDING THE PHONE and ignoring their calls when they were fucking calling me to say goodbye to her. Wtf? Courtney, WTF? This is ridiculous. I've known Kait since I was like 7. Why am I being so fucking shitty? LameLameLameLame. I'm fucking lame. I don't understand why I do things. At all. If I were to trade places with someone for a bit and just listen to myself try to explain why I act like this, I'd think they needed medication. Or that they were just an asshole. Maybe I'm just an asshole. I don't want to say bye. I don't even know how to do that! And she's SO SAD. She's going to cry when she says bye to me. Which will make this incredibly hard. Ugh. So fucked up. So lame. This definately won't make sense to anyone. But it's okay, because it doesn't make sense to me either. Much like everything else that runs through my head. I just wish I was... idk, a decent human? Normal, maybe? I think I'm a shitty friend too. Not just a shitty human. A shitty friend. Which is even worse. But anyway. I'm a shitty friend. When my friends have issues, I never know what to say. I never know the right advice to give. I always feel like a hypocrite. But I can't tell them to hide under their beds and wait for it to go away. They wouldn't do it anyway. That's just me. I don't know. I just really don't know.

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