• i'm torn between about a hundred thousand different options. joe's thing tomorrow is basically one massive campout complete with spirits, drunk twats and possibly weed. ruth isn't staying - she's catching the train home at midnight. xavi still isn't speaking to me. I don't actually know who exactly is going to be there tomorrow, and where i'd sleep. If, somehow, things were magically better between me and Xavi, I'd be fine knowing he'd make sure I was okay and had somewhere to stay with him. but that's not a certain in the slightest - I don't feel like I can depend on or trust him at all anymore. there's the option of, if all goes wrong, going home with ruth and staying at hers. But I don't want things to get so bad that i'd NEED to resort to that option. jesus, I have absolutely no idea how tomorrow is going to turn out. it could end well - a party, out in the open, with a load of people who really are a massive laugh and Xavi, the potential sweetie. but who's to say that'll happen? that's a best case scenario. I think i'll ask if I can stay at Ruth's, and if things go alright I'll just stay and camp. Either way, I'll have a place to sleep, right? fuck a duck. apologies for the lack of paragraphing and erratic capital letters, my brain's a mess of thoughts/worry right now. fingers crossed. it's all on you.

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