• Joshua Radin has an amazing ability to make everything beautiful. Put his music in the background of anything. It never fails. Listen to What If You and Star Mile. So there's nothing big happening, but it feels like there is. It's a strange feeling. On myspace, I found this folk singer from Austrailia. He randomly messaged me a little while ago in response to a bulliten I posted about a local band (that I adored btw) that broke up. "Would it make you feel better if I wrote you a song?" ...Awwwwwwww, Right? Well no. I found it confusing. I shouldn't be thinking so much about this, but that's my specialty. Overthinking. I see this in a few ways. First, it was almost a let down. If someone were to write a song for me, I'd want them to really know me. The way I invision it, the song would be about the things he sees in me that others, or maybe even I, don't see. My habits that he finds cute. Or annoying. Or funny. Or wierd. ANYTHING. This Dante guy can't do that. Next, I was like "So what am I, fan #576? How many other girls on his friends list has gotten 'their own song'?" I'm so far from good with being one in a crowd. I've had far to many people (I'm clearly only talking about guys. I just feel too immature/petty/ridiculous saying that hahaha) say pretty things to me that they are really saying to 4,000 other girls. This little situation means nothing to me. It's what it represents in my life that's bothering me. I just want to be someone's only one. I saw a boy the other day. He was an old friend. An old best friend, and an old boyfriend. I wish he was still a best friend. I wish he was still a boyfriend. Sure, we were together when we were too young for it to even count. Sure, it was a long time ago. But no matter what, I'll always wish I still had him. The epitomy of boy next door. The only one my parents ever liked. Loved, actually. They still ask about him. After all the boys after him, he still sticks out in my mind as the sweetest. The only one who meant what he said. I'm still friends with him, and we've occasionally found ourselves flirting. But it's nothing like how it used to be. My one wish is to have a second chance with him. My one do-over would be to stay with him. The one thing I want right now is to sit and talk with him. Catch up. Get an idea of how he feels about this. About me. I'm rambling. But no matter what, I'll always miss him. And he'll always be in the back of my mind. I wonder if I'm ever on his. Oh for fuck's sake. I'm crying.

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