• You know the song guardian angel by redjumpsuit apparatus? That adorable little ballad about a perfect true love? I remember i cried the first tiem i really heard it i recall shaking, clenching my fists, swallowing saltysweet tears because it was everything i ever wanted it's amazing how events and people can change you because back then, i still had matt back then, in some insane way, i believed in love and not just in moments love as in forever but now, just a few months later i can listen to those incredible lyrics and pretend not to care in the slightest that no one will ever ever ever feel that way about me in a nother lifetime that might have disappointed me but right now, it just reaffirms the numbness i'm learning to be alright with just myself i can accept that atleast in terms of me, there is no such thing as love for ever it's not that i don't have the memories though not that i can't create new ones in the course of my lifetime, my almost 17 years i have loved and been loved a thousand times over i loved matt that time we went running i know that's the best kiss i'll ever have i loved chris for a moment a few nights ago when he promised me he'd take me on a road trip if he won the lottery and most of all i've loved myself all those times i meet those challenges head on when i could stand on top of the owrld and say yes i finally did it when happy was trickling inside my teeth so i'm not a cynic i do believe in love, even for me just not permanent love only in the isolated memories because that way you can edit them, wash them off, replace the parts you don't like it makes you hate people less really, try it if you focus on only the good everyone deserves forgiveness even if they're still not bothering to ask no one ever says everything they mean please don't walk away, please tell me you'll stay How could nayone possibly walk away from that?

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