• In all honesty, I'm shitting lies. I think I leave Wednesday morning for Ashland, and that's the day of Scout's other party. I really want to go, I want to say fuck it to all of my responsibilities and my family and all these plans that I've made that I will break and reform over and over again in these next two years before I graduate. I don't want to sit in a car for five hours listening to music and getting carsick from trying to read before I finally give up and just fall asleep with the murderous vocals of Stars and the subtle sway of the car to comfort me. I want to sit in your driveway and cut hair in the park and get taught how to longboard by the best smelling girl in the world. I want to spend the Fourth of July on someone's roof, identifying constellations or maybe just not caring about them at all. I want every week to be like this one. Where I know my place and my responsibilities, and as long as they're fulfilled, I can go anywhere and enjoy this summer. I love the freedom of a bed and a friend. I love only being home one day of the week. I relish in the sun and the grass and the lack of stress. A car door slams. My mom and hermano mejor are home from Montana. My week of stress-free living is over. But that's okay. Sometimes I'd trade in all that mellowness just to have dinner with all my family. Mom and Dad and Steven and Brandon and Ryan and Henry all crowded around the table. Maybe Catie or Anna thrown in there too. Steven opens the fridge, complains about the lack of food. I finish my glass of water and smile. Everyone knows I've never been good at missing people. I walk back into my room and lay down on top of the frenzy of blankets and pillows and papers full of my incomprehensible scrawl. I press my face against the cool comforter and close my eyes. A Stars song chronicling a murderous affection comes out of the player and crawls up across my cheek with its delicate insect legs. I lay still, too scared to brush the feeling off. The song ends and I stand up quickly. They'll be here to pick me up in an hour. I grab my book and leave my room, pulling the heavy wooden door closed behind me. The stench of fish hits me in the face, and I feel sick. I say a quiet thanks in my head for having not eaten yet today. I sit down on the couch, just far enough out of the traffic lane of my house, and I begin to read, but I never find my interest. I put the book down on my leg and turn to look out the window. I think about you and immediately look away. Something about the sky always reminds me of you, which kills me. Because the sky is everywhere. I lay down and fall asleep contorted on the couch, wishing that my cat would come sleep with me. My eyes close and I am calm. Fade out.

• No Comments

Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.

Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!