• I'm bringing H with me to gym today woo hoo that should be fun It kind of stinks i can't go in early tho i love getting extra open work out by myself yesterday some little girl came up to me like why are ypou here all the time? I was just like because i really want to get better i mean that's true of course but also like the gym is the only place I don't feel like I'm going insane I got my tsuk thingy off the tramp it's kind pf ugly on my head in the pit but oh well lol I'm psyched i actually went for it I just wish my neck wasn't so sore now... Yesterday's practice was kind of hard tho I guess i was tired by the end, but that's not really an excuse i chickened out of doing my roundoff on beam god i hate when I have to just back down and give up When I just can't force myself to go through with it It sounds kind of crazy, but I feel like right before I do a skill I'm kind of scared of, I start thinking like "If someone in the world cared besides me right now, this would be the easiest thing ever" It makes no sense of course but still it'd be nice to have someone else's expectations on my shoulders atleast every once in a while the worst thing is though, when I get scared like that by the time I finally just do it it doesn't even seem like an accomplishment it just seems like well, it's about time and that's the worst feeling in the world If I could have just one wish, i'd want to be fearless That way i could really push myself that way I'd never get hurt by anyone or anything If only I could just take off a day from worrying so much Chris didn't come to gym yesterday, which actually made me kind of sad Ugh I think i actually like him it really sucks, liking people cuz even though it's great when you're together its always that sinking worry every second you're not that's why i never intend to fall in love never ever again I watched a cool true life on T.V. today it was about people who took a year off of their lives to travel the world alone How awesome is that? I started thinking that's something I'd really love to do another box on my impossible dream list lol except I wouldn't want to go alone I'm not a leader like that I need a route or an opinion to follow But the thing is, I have no idea who I'd bring Maybe when I'm like 25 if I'm still not married, I'd just like grab a friend I haven't seen in years and be like, hey I'ver got this crazy idea that would be so insane but it's so unrealistic, I'm kind of scared to even dream about it does that make sense? Not even daring to think about dreams just because they'll probably never come true? I think its protective somehow If I have no expectations I can't be let down

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