• Is hard. Its always disappointing to me. Almost everything in my life is so gosh dam disappoiting! I always feel like who can understand me? I know drea does but the fact is drea isn't with me 24/7 so without her I'm like hopeless! I know yesmine understands too because well duh she's gay too. I just can't deal with this crap anymore everday I strive so much to be perfect or a perfect christian. Its like it does me no good at all its like the more perfect I try to be the more it blows up in my face. I try everyday to explain to people the same resason I'm gay is the same reason you're straight but all they say is you have a demon spirit in you. I feel so evil when I hear that its like they are telling me I'm controlled and I'm going to hell. Then I was watching narnia prince caspian. At the end of the movie I get really pissed because that's the last movie peter and susan will be in. You can't take two main characters out of a story its just criminal! I just stay so pissed all the time and its like I can't be happy! I don't know how too be happy anymore. I want to talk to alex he was always a good remedy for my problems. Talking to alex always made me so happy and I felt like my problems were gone away! That's why I love alex when I'm around him my life is better. Sure I msy complain about him everyday but those complaints mean nothing to me. How can someone like me be predestined for hell its like be born to burn. Sexuality has always been a major issue for me I'm just so tired of it. Its like my soul has been shattered and yet people continue to tortue it. They all laugh at me thinj of me as a big joke is that all I am. A big joke? Well I tell you what if this continues they'll hate me a lot more than they do now

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