• 7/19 Life seems to be making sense now. Last night was amazing. If I thought I was going to miss it here before, I was mistaken. I'm going to miss it here so terribly. I don't ever want this summer to end. Last night everyone except me in The House (Rus's house) rolled. We all went out to this clearing in the woods. There's a trail that leads out there. It was about 2am when we went out there. I talked mainly to my sister and Fre. Fre is really cool, I think I relate most to him out of everyone in The Group. I got a really nice body high. A few days before last night Fre was talking to me and he was saying that since everyone would be rolling I might get a body high. I was kind of skeptical about it, but it was pretty neat. Anyway, Fre and my sister would keep swaying and then I'd find myself swaying with them. Fre and I talked about chi for a while, we talked about a lot of things though. I spotted the virgo contellation in the sky. There were nine of us out there that night. I wish I could describe how it felt out there, but I really can't. Fre, my sister, and I walked back to The House at about 5:30. My sister and I decided to leave, we then drove around teh countryside for about an hour and just talked. Dawn came and everyhting was lit up, it was a bit foggy in the distance, but so beautiful. I was telling my sister how I was feeling and I couldn't put a word on it. Then it dawned on me, I was happy. This happiness isn't a sort of synthetic, excited happiness. I'm not infatuated or amped up about something. I'm content, it's more than just being content though. I don't know how to explain it really, but it's an amazing feeling. I love it at The House and with The Group. I feel like I belong. Most, if not all of them, come from broken homes, we can all relate to one another. They all have such different personalities, yet they come together so easily. I'm truly going to miss these people. I think I'm going to try and come back for christmas break. Rus was talking to me and he said ' you know kathlynn, I'm really going to miss you. You've been a sort of staple in our group.' I asked him how, and he said I was quiet, but I somehow brought everythign together. It was a nice feeling. Then he proposed the idea I come down for christmas. He said they'd be having a big christmas this year. Fre asked if I'd be around for his bday, but I won't. I think one of the reasons I don't want to leave is that I don't want to come back and everything be different. I just want now to last forever. It's really nice that I've found somewhere I feel at home. I have something/somewhere to look forward to. I do miss home, but home doesn't give me the feeling I get here. When I'm here I don't feel such a need to overthing everything. I still do, but not to such an extent. I don't have to worry so much here, there's no need for it. I was thinking about home yesterday and part of me said 'I don't want to think about home' and another side felt bad, thinking I was being selfish. But I realized being selfish is something I need to learn how to be. Not in a rude slef centered way, but in a way that I worry about myself for once, and not everything/everyone else. I have so much to say about this, but it would become redundant. As I've gotten to know everyone in The House I can relate to all of them more, and I grow more fond of everyone each time I see them. This is one of those times I will look back on in the future, and long to come back here, to this exact moment. Quote of the Day: ~“When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”~ --Lao Tzu

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