• so, it wasn't how i expected it to be. in ways, last night was awesome. xavi told me about his sister. i asked him about the things i've been hearing - fucking annoying thing is, we were both slightly pissed and i can't remember exactly what he said. but i think the general gist of it was that it was a fleeting thought when he was feeling pretty messed up. he told me things about himself i'd already kind of guessed but some things were new. he thinks he's fucked up, and i never realised how much playing guitar helps him let stuff out. i might've cried. i know i did when i was talking to ollie in the study - he told me about his mum cheating on his dad and how his state was so bad he ended up lying down in the middle of a main road praying someone would run him over. god, i don't know. i think i talked a load of crap last night, because truth is i'm only any good at listening to peoples' problems - not solving them. i'll just think about the good parts of last night and figure out the bad parts when (and if) i need to.

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