• I laugh realizing how sick i really am. possibly even disturbed? reading back on my futile life as a blogger from a year ago has been rather amusing. First love ended abruptly months ago, Thank God! And i guess i can't say i'm suprised that i incessantly smoke? however i wasn't aware of the malicious cravings i once suffered. Life's dealings are funny and so awfully condescending and borderline pretentious. I find that despite all the hurt and pain that has consumed my life at the end of the day i laugh at how seemingly insignificant and ultimately unreal it all is. I am extremely manic though, so check back with me in a few days and i assure you i'll pleading with the Lord to give me death because life is far too negate for me to even consider living one more day. i digress, i really do. possibly even far too much. too many reprieves and mental vacations to many acid trips and ecstasy highs. life in this world is all too disgusting. i prefer the life of a religious zealot dreaming of heaven; harmonious trumpets and delicate cherubs perusing cotton-candy like cumulus clouds. if not that then of course it's absolute dichtomic opposite, a realm where light shows fascinate and the serotonin in my brain depletes any possibility of me finding happiness for the next few days. give me something, give me anything, as long as i don't feel.

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