July 12, 2008

  • chicago is so fucking glorious. oh my god. i love it so much. it is so overwhelmingly beautiful in a totally fucked up way. i need society. i love people. Modest Mouse is my new favorite band. Little Motel is my new favorite song. check out We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. it's my life atm. more about chicago. i have pictures from there. and everytime i look at them my stomach gets tighter because, even though i just got back last night, i miss it so very much. walking around downtown at night when everything seems so perfect and well put together. when everything seems so lively and amazing! i stayed out until the sun rose just walking around with my sister and loving life to my heart's extent. i was so unbearably happy. and now i come home to this empty house with empty promises of my mom coming home. to empty promises of my sister staying with me. she went back to indiana to live with her boyfriend. mike checked in for a few minutes and gave me some money. i'm not a fucking charity case but i guess it's nice to be able to go grocery shopping without steven paying for everything. i've been lying a lot and i think i'm ready to let people in because i'm running out of lies, or i can't tell the difference between my lies and my truth. or my lies and my lies. nothing is true to me anymore. i'm tired of being let down and i know this is just teenage angst but i'm starting to accept these feelings because there isn't an end in sight. i have a confession. but i'm not ready.
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