• and i still don't understand how or why you hate yourself. what is there to hate? good to know i'm not alone, i guess. you know, i saw the two of them sitting there. and i did wonder how many were broken... but of course, i told myself neither was, and that being suspicious of your best friend is not really a great plan. do i believe it? when i said it i did. oh, i did. but now, when i try to rationalize it... yes and no. not that you lost her. never that. never. but that your memories of her will never be tainted by teenage fights. that there will be no point where you lose all trust in her. that you will never be able to hate her. that she cannot do to you what mine has done to me. i dunno. i dunno. it doesn't matter if i did something wrong or not. the point is, i shouldn't have said it. but what's done is done. i can't take it back-- even though i probably would. no, definitely would. because then i wouldn't have hurt you; i wouldn't have had my suspicions confirmed; i wouldn't have caused that. * * * * * * * * back from the race. 3.6 miles, 40:29. YAY

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