• i meant to tell you this. cuz i finally realized it- maybe i never was in your position. maybe i never did know your reason. but you hated him. [even if you "don't" now, you did then] and that was reason enough for me to hate him too. but now i've started to get to know him for myself started to like him, goddamit and... i just don't see it he can be an ass sometimes, yeah but not on purpose unless he really doesn't like you and hes a lot deeper than you think. what was it he said when you guys were going back and forth the closer you get the more they push you away i've realized it now the more i need you to be there the less i want to be so dependent [though i'm not sure if i'm being selfish or if it's because you have enough on your mind already] and then if something happens that i feel guilty for i isolate myself and drown myself on a guilttrip. and there's another thing to tell you i called them all first because i didn't want to talk to you i didn't want to face what i'd said, how i felt and i didn't want you to have to deal with me some friend I am. some damn friend.

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