• It's been a while since my last entry, six months and I think I'm getting worse, well I've come back to this. I've been sober now for about seven weeks. And I hate it. I fucking hate it, the fucking bullshit. The load of total bull shit that this is to me, that this means to me. The whole point is that nothing changes, nothing will change until that turning point when you make the fucking change, but the problem is I don't want to (well I do), I'm all alone, I don't mind it, sometimes but those moments when the sinking feeling sweeps over. And nothing... My own self destruction, the idea that if I was like "them" would I be better off? I suppose I would, but I wouldn't be me (god that sounded cheesy). I feel like a failure. I haven't acomplished much and I'm nearing the end. My mind has broken, I used to be angry, now I'm just bitter and mad at everyone, everyone has something I don't and I want it. I mean I could pull out a gun and just fucking shoot them down (note: I don't have an access to a gun and if I did I'd more likely use it on myself). What are we striving for in this life?

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