• i think i've already posted today, i'm not sure.. but i just need to vent. I think I'm really fucked up. for some reason, EVERY person I've EVER met, I think they're harboring a great, deep secret from me. and only me. And that just makes me want to rip them to pieces and uncover the truth even more. I hunger for truth. I think it's because i'm so skeptical to trust first. I want to SCREAM, "I know what it's like!! You can trust me!!!" but... like always, I sit back quietly and become an innocent bystander to people's welcoming path of insanity. I crave perfection, when I am far from it myself. I want so badly to believe that I will lead a normal life, BUT!!! I have BIG plans, though I couldn't tell you them. Yet. Time will test all. Everyone has FUCKED UP expectations for me, but my mom especially. Holy high standards!! I'm so scared that I will fail her, so I refrain myself from doing anything to get her hopes up. It's even gotten to the point where I PURPOSELY get bad GRADES so she won't expect anything more. I don't believe in myself and I PAY FOR IT EVERYDAY. It's funny, isn't it? How a simple sentence can turn into an extraordinary rant. How a simple phrase can turn into a mantra: "Dear Friend: Don't Ever Give Up." I have a big, big dilemma at the moment, and I can't ignore it and it sure as fuck ain't going away. I need help from someone but I'm not sure who to ask. I want to post it on here but it would take a lot of opening up. I might later if I go insane. There's not much longer to go....

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