• i had a well long convo with Laura last night.. about sex, mostly, but yeah xD i told her my innermost secret as well. i've got two deep dark secrets.. one you cant know because it explains something that you think is already justified (and also explains The Plan).. and the other, you'd think i was weird and disgusting if i told you.. and Laura's the only one in the whole world who knows both. :3 she truly is my best friend. i mean, outside of Wales and apart from Geo (who i havent talked to properly in time 'cause she's got qualifiers) my best mate is meant to be Ems. but really, there are a hell of a lot of things i cant tell her.. not that i dont trust her, 'cause i do, (even tho she cant keep her mouth shut a lot of the time, but neither can i and youve gotta love her for it xD) its just.. there are some things she cant accept as.. i dunno. its like a tiny part of her is still clinging on to the preps' ideas of conventionality and popularity.. like, theres been at least 3 occasions when ive asked her why she doesnt like someone, and her reply has been or ended in "..s/he just looks dirty..." i dont want to sound like im slagging her off, 'cause i love her, but i really feel like i cant be myself in front of her, and you really should be able to do that in front of your best mate. but i know if i told her what i admitted to Laura last night she'd be so freaked and weirded out... And something else.. i act different in front of different people, yeah? i think we all do it. i put on different fronts for different people. but lately i've noticed a trend... i can only be myself when i'm in front of guys. i dont know why, but i feel there has to be some layer of pretention when i'm with girls. i have to hold back. the only girls who get the true me are Laura and Geo. and it used to be Spo, before things changed between us.. i dont know, i just feel i fit in more with guys. i can admit stuff to guys. its hard to explain.. Oh but last night i wa talking to Ems on msn and she said that apparently ive changed. it wasnt a big change, she said, but it was like i was more moody and got pissed off more. and if theres one thing you know about me, its that I ABSOLUTELY HATE BEING TOLD I'VE CHANGED. but then Ems said that she thought maybe it was her being more irritable lately.. oh i know what i did! i said something as like a jokey insult. the kind of thing i say to Geo when i want to make her laugh. but Ems thought i was being moody. see, this is why i fit in with guys.. Guys can take insults better, if you know what i mean. i love insulting people for a laugh, its like my main humour. yeah im a cunt xD well basically Ems said she needs change. which is what she's been saying for a while.. i think since everyone else got together in like, one week of March and she was still single... i think that kind of pissed her. But yeah im level 5 on runescape. just from tutorial island xD i think im hooked again.. shit. LOL. and i have this Busted song on Adam's mp3 on repeat, 'cause its AMAZING. "She looks like, does like, sounds like me, she's stealing my identity, and i'm begging you somebody notice me somebody notice, im fading away here, what i gotta do to make you see? my girlfriend is a wannabe, and she wants to be me!" SERIOUSLY I LOVE IT XD seriously, wouldnt it be PISSING funny if some chick tried to skank her boyfriend's identity? xD well i'd lol. ....GET ME BLONDE HAIR DYE AND A BASS GUITAR :D

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