there is one main reason this journal is not like the ones previously written. Mainly because the same person is not writing this particular journal entry... Throughout many of the previous journals a girl was spoken about, a girl the writer was so in love with that he could never let her go. The writer wroke about his love for her as a way to escape the pain he was experiencing after their break up, and he wrote the journals so that some day she would understand how much he truely loved her. the reason this journal is so unlike the others.. is because now the girl is writing about her love for the boy
i signed on today because i wanted to read the words he had once written for me. words expressing his pain, his love, and his hope. but in reality i could not bring myself to read them again. i could not bring myself to read about how he loved me for that is my only desire, to hear those 3 sweet words again.. because i could not bring myself to read them, i instead decided to write. Now i can only hope that he is not angry for signing onto his accont and expressing my love for him the same way he once did for me.
Months after the break up we found our way back to one another and found that we both loved eachother the same as the first time we said i love you.. during a late night call he told me about the journals he had written and i begged him to let me read them. i thought maybe if i read them i would understand him and his emtions better and maybe believe that he truely never stopped loving me... needless to say my heart broke as i read over and over again how he was hurting because of me
Over the next few months i tried in everyway possible to make him happy. But in reality all i did was hurt him and push him further away. And the fear i woke up with everyday became a reality a few weeks ago.. i lost my second chance at loving him... if you one day read this i hope that you know one thing... i never stopped loving you.. and still to this day i wake up dreaming of you and whispering i love you at the end of text message that i never allow myself to send. Now i only pray that if we are ment to be god will one day put us together.. we found our way back once... maybe we will again. untill that day i am missing the reflection in my eye.. the only refelction i truely want shinning through. I hope one day we can put our past behind us and get lost in the reflection of eachothers eyes and lost in the love for eachother that i know is still there.. but until that day.. know that i will always love you..
Not the normal journal...
- June 18, 2008
- kInGancaptain
- No Comments
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